Shirley

 Shirley, a Chinese girl of around 26 years old, was a new student of the centre, who was working in textiles for a company that needed to communicate in English as a supplier. We were the same age and she had specifically asked for a class with me, because she said I was 'beautiful' and the only foreign girl in the centre. I was on a full schedule in three weeks, teaching 20 classes, but normally taking 16, as if there were no bookings then the class would be cancelled. 

Face to Face classes were usually given to a maximum of four people, though it was unusual to have four, and most commonly two. Occasionally the higher level English classes were taken by only one student, which was great, because in this case we could usually have a normal fluent English conversation that deviated from the class dictated on the PPT. Other, larger classes were 'Business English', which could have up to 20 people, and specifically targeted at Chinese intending to learn English for business purposes to communicate with companies in the West. Life club classes were also popular, especially if food was involved. Around 20-25 students would sign up for these lessons, which were aimed at 'free talk', and these were based around more enjoyable activities that involved using English freely while cooking, or making cards. 

Shirley usually made sure she booked a class with me at the last minute, so that she could get a private class. At around 5 foot 6, she was tall, and had short hair dyed with blonde highlights to make her look more western. Her English was already intermediate and she could have a conversation quite fluently, but just needed grammar errors and accents correcting. 

She invited me after work to go to dinner with her, which I agreed to, as I was also fond of her, especially since she was able to speak English fluently. After class me and Shirley walked over to a restaurant opposite the Yingtai shopping mall and walked into a modern-looking restaurant called Wagas. Contrary to my expectations of Chinese food, this was a restaurant that specialised in healthy meals. It didn't seem to have a paper menu. Then I realised the QR code at the edge of the table which, when scanned, revealed the menu online. Nothing was in English, but I could go by pictures, and I ordered what appeared to be a caesar salad. 

I was feeling hungry after a long day of work and was getting impatient waiting for the food to come. When it arrived, Shirley insisted on taking various pictures. This revealed my first understanding of the Chinese obsession with 'face', and the perception they wanted to perceive to others of their life on WeChat Moments, the equivalent of Facebook. She positioned the two salads at different angles on the table to get the best 'light', and then she moved onto taking pictures of us together in the restaurant, and then with us and the food. After 20 minutes of picture-taking, and being confused by this ritual, I asked whether we were going to start eating, after feeling slightly faint, but this seemed to fall on deaf ears and she continued taking pictures of the food at various angles. I decided to start eating while she played on her phone and barely touched her food. Upon finishing, I asked how I could pay her for my share of the food, but she said she didn't want any money and that she was using the experience to improve her English anyway. 

I thanked her several times and she walked me home. On the walk home she opened up about some of her recent fears. One of them being her age. At age 26, she was almost considered a 'leftover' woman in China, with 27 being considered the start of being 'difficult' to find a suitable husband. She talked about the pressure from her parents to simply 'marry any man', 'any', rather than one she loved. It was just after Spring Festival, which is the main Chinese festival that can fall anywhere from mid-January until the end of February. This is the time when the working Chinese population returns to their ancestral home of their parents, where women in particular will be asked questions such as 'when will you get married', 'when will you have a baby', and nowadays, 'when will you give us a second baby?'. The social and familial pressure can be overwhelming, but this is considered being 'caring' and 'thoughtful', rather than intrusive. 

Shirley's stories about her overbearing parents made me grateful for the fact that my parents had never asked me anything about my love life, or ambitions of having one. Chinese parents could be described as that of 'tigers', where they champion their children to fulfil the dreams they had themselves, keeping children as close as possible; a complete contrast to the relationship between British parents and their children. We are encouraged to leave home from the age of 18, or as early as possible, promoting independence rather than dependence, as a means to growth and development, plus the parents want to finally have those expensive holidays without dragging the kids.

The concept of generating informal friendships with students, even though adults, seemed intrusive at first, but realised the potential of seeing the beginnings of a social life and long-lasting friendships with Chinese people. And this experience proved to be the first of many.